New Year – Old Post

I’ll be away for about a week. Going on a little vacation with a special someone to meet parents and extended family over New Year. It’s huge and I’m more than a little nervous about this. I also have some ideas running around my head for some new posts. The thing is, I’m pretty sure the new post ideas have the potential of causing some discussion, and I don’t want to drop something like that and then be without access for a week.

In the near(ish) future you should expect a post about how I relate to my body, and yeah I’ll talk about sex. There will be a post from my good friend Bizzy-B who is like my sister, but totally unlike me in many ways. I will also continue my musings on guys who like gals like me, why they do (and don’t do) the things they do (and don’t). I’ll also have a post about the contradictions I navigate in my everyday life. But… that’s all going to happen in the new year.

Instead of having a yearly recap or posting my plans and hopes and dreams for the next year, I decided to post an old list of things I miss since I transitioned. Some of these are silly, some are serious, some a surprising – all are true. Yes, I have a list ot things I DON”T miss – that will wait for another day.

Stuff I Miss:

1. Walking alone at night
2. Pants with actual pockets
3. Clothing sizes that actually tell me if something will fit
4. Men looking me in the eye when we talk
5. Men not taking eye-contact as flirtation
6. Not having to explain to banks, credit cards, employers why some of my documentation doesn’t all match up.
7. Guys appreciating it when I beat them at a game
8. Belching REALLY loudly and nobody saying anything
9. Staying friends with guys I’ve had sex with but aren’t currently dating
10. Telling guys I’m a bottom..and them respecting that

TDoR, Porn, and an Update

Yeah, I’ve been a neglectful blogger. Something about writing for a living that makes writing in my free time seem like work. Well, it appears I have some free time, and I’ve had some ideas for new posts that I haven’t done anything about.  I still have things to say, it’s just taking me a while to say them.

The first thing I want to talk about is a post from last year that got some attention, and is still one of the top hits on the site.  Last year, I wondered if the porn industry observed the Trans Day of  Remembrance?

In that topic I had a rather involved, and somewhat heated, discussion with Steven Gallon from Grooby Productions (better known as Seanchai). The result of that conversation, or at least I think it had some small part in the result, surprised me…

Below the fold will be links to content that is likely NOT SAFE FOR WORK…

More of the Same

I was fully intending on doing a post about my personal relationship with my body as a trans woman inspired by the great post here by gudbuytjane . Instead, I have to deliver some news to my readers:

First, From Houston:

**Misgendering Trigger below – I’m leaving the article as is to show how even the most “progressive” city in Texas is shit-wrong in covering trans murders

New Year and a New Question

I know, I have been absent from the Internet (mostly) for the past month. A combination of huge piles of work, Christmas gifts to buy, a break-up to get over, and generally tired of dealing with the terminal stupid of cis people on the Internet wrt trans stuff.  I also realized that I was spending way more time online than going out and hanging with my friends.

I have been keeping up on things, but growing increasingly tired of just getting angry and venting. I used to actually – you know – DO THINGS that I thought made a positive impact in the world. Volunteering for GLBT youth programs, Doing security at women’s health clinics, staffing phone banks for anyone who needed my time. I probably did way to much actually, since I burned out a couple years ago and the idea of putting myself “out there” like that doesn’t seem much fun. There is a story there for another day – suffice to say that “progressive”  does NOT mean trans-friendly.

Am I Gay?

Anyone who frequents places where chasers hang out will see this question asked over, and over, and over, and over, and over…

“Am I gay?”

My quick and dirty answer is:

“Why does it matter?”

A Little Whine – Cheese to Follow

Lately, the fact that I look the way I do has become a dating nightmare. Now, I don’t want this to come off as a “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” type of post. Seriously, I’m not THAT vain – nor do I put that much stock in my looks. But, I DO get attention from men and women who don’t know or don’t date trans-women. I also get LOTS of attention from guys who do “date” girls like me. Particularly on the Internet sites I frequent.

The fact I’m comfortable and open about my status severely limits my ability to date. I have gone to straight clubs and have had guys trying to pick me up. My need for honesty compels me to disclose my status, not on the second or third date – but at “May I buy you a drink?” A couple near ass-whuppings later, and I don’t go out without an escort who can and will help me defend myself. Because I’m not comfortable putting someone I like at risk, I just don’t go out.

Busy Girl

I am still alive and kicking. Work is really busy as we are moving a couple huge clients to our service on very short notice. Part of my job has become investigating the new clients to get a feel on how their business will impact my company. That, and our new head of marketing will be looking at my reports for November (spent all day going over them and completing them). Add to that my normal duties and a general increase in business for the season and I’m plain tuckered when I get home.

I do have some posts I’m working on, so soon I’ll have new content. Thinking more on gender, stuff about guys, and other assorted nonsense.

It is also World AIDS Day today. Please play safe and learn about HIV and educate those close to you. Being a trans woman, I know people who are living with HIV and people who have passed away from complications. In the West, HIV is not the death sentence it used to be for most people. (However, economics and race are still amazing factors when looking at the face of the disease.) Still, HIV is ravaging Africa, Asia, and South America. Do your part!

It Started as an Innocent Date

The topic of violence has come up lately far to often. Every time it comes up, I think about this. Given my recent conversation with Mr. Gallon, I think that this is the proper time to disclose the tale of my first instance of intimate partner violence. This took me hours to write and process and in the end I feel like shit. Partly because I lived it and it hurts to remember. Partly because I didn’t pressure the police to investigate the case, and just let it go. For all I know this guy – whose real name I’ll never know – could be doing to other women what he did to me. particularly trans women.

I mention that he was a member to a few trans porn sites because Mr. Gallon is under the impression that trans women are killed, beat, raped by men who don’t know about trans women (and wouldn’t be members of a trans porn site) . The thought is that it is pimps and other trans women and guys who don’t know that the gals are trans who do the killing. The last, I take as particularly false and repeating this only lends validity to the often successful trans panic defense. Below the fold is potentially triggering violence

TDoR, Porn, and a Pissed T-Girl

Last Year Monica Robers asked a very good question “Does The Transgender Porn World Celebrate The TDOR?” At the time I poked around and didn’t see any evidence that they did. While I know that some individuals within the industry do observe this day, I didn’t know if the industry itself did – officially.  This year I have better access to and knowledge of the trans porn industry, so I kept an eye out.

I want to acknowledge that the one site that I post to regularly, DID have a post on their blog, and a few topics on the forums (and I didn’t even have to start them). Please note this IS A PORN SITE – NOT WORK SAFE! TRIGGERING LANGUAGE AND IMAGES. I’ll reprint the text below in case you don’t want to follow the link:

Another Day Another Murder

I know earlier I said I wouldn’t post a new article because I like the way the comments on my gender topic are going. Well, some things are just more important and immediate. Story here :

On November 14 the body of a gay 19 year old was found a few miles away from the town in which he was residing in called Caguas.  He was a very well known person in the gay community of Puerto Rico, and very loved.  He was found on the site of an isolated road in the city of Cayey, he was partially burned, decapitated, and dismembered, both arms, both legs, and the torso.

Yes… He was found partially burned, his arms and legs and his fucking HEAD were removed.

The suspect has been caught and has confessed”